Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and noown.
courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would
still take time to go through it. Divorce is at leastIf you retain a lawyer, he will definitely take your
a major crossroad in your life, maybe even acase into the contested cycle of the legal system
full-blown life crisis.because that's the only thing he can do. He has to.
There are no other formal tools a lawyer can use.
So, here you are, you and your spouse, going
through your personal life changes, when theThe primary tools the lawyer uses are pre-trial
State comes along and says, "Excuse me! Youmotions and discovery. An attorney can take you
can't go through this without us. Your divorce hasand your spouse into court to get temporary
to be conducted on our field and under our rules .orders for support, custody, visitation or keeping
. . and you can't even hope to understand ourthe peace. An attorney can use formal discovery
rules. Oh, by the way, this divorce system we'reto get documents and information under oath.
going to put you through has no tools for helping
you solve problems or negotiate with yourSo, if you and your spouse can work out your
spouse. In fact, our system is based on conflictown temporary arrangements and share all
and it is specially designed to cause trouble andinformation openly, you'll have no need for those
greatly increase your expense. Please pay yourincredibly expensive legal tools. You can keep your
filing fees on the way in."case out of lawyers' offices and out of court.
Our system of justice is known as anBut, if either spouse retains an attorney, that
"adversary system." This is the nature of theattorney will invariably write formal letters, file
beast. It began hundreds of years ago in thelegal papers, make motions, and do discovery.
middle ages with "trial by combat," where peopleThese actions will surely cause the other spouse
with a disagreement would fight it out andto get an attorney, too. Now, instead of two
whoever survived was "right." Today, physicalpeople who don't communicate well, you have
contact is no longer a recognized legal technique,four people who do not communicate well. The
but things are still set up as a fight. The partiescase is now contested and the cost and conflict
are regarded as adversaries, enemies in combat.level will go way up. Attorneys tend to ask for
When a divorce is conducted in our legal system,more than they expect to get; it's considered
the spouses and their attorneys are expected to"good" practice. Your spouse's lawyer will oppose
struggle against one another and try to "win" theyour lawyer's exaggerated demands by offering
case, to "beat" the opposition.less than they are willing to give and by attacking
you and your case at the weakest points.
The rules control the way your attorney works
with you. Your attorney is required to beNow you're off to a good, hot start and soon
"adversarial," that is, aggressive and combative.you'll have a hotly contested case, lots of cost,
The adversary system and the way lawyersand a couple of very upset spouses. Fees in
work in it is a major cause of conflict, trouble andcontested cases can run from tens of thousands
the high cost of divorce. You want to have asof dollars each all the way up to everything.
little as possible to do with the legal system. It is
designed to work against you.Summary: Except in high-conflict cases, the legal
system has little to offer. The things an attorney
In spite of the way things seem, lawyers are notcan do for you are expensive, upsetting, and tend
always villains and not always to blame for stirringto increase conflict rather than reduce it.
up conflict. But even for lawyers who mean well,
the tools they use and the system they work inIf you don't want to (or have to) use the legal
will usually increase conflict. Law schools do notsystem, go around it--work out your
require courses in communication or negotiation.arrangements outside the legal system and, if
Rather, they stress manipulation of rules of law,necessary, get limited assistance, in the form of
aggressive and defensive strategy, how to takeinformation and advice, from attorneys who do
any side of any case and make the most of it,not represent the spouses.
how to argue, and how to get the most financial
advantage in every situation.Take heart; I tell you exactly how to do this in
my articles, Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around
Professional standards of practice dictate how athe Legal System and Divorce--How You Can
lawyer will conduct your case. For example,Beat the System.
professional ethics forbid your lawyer to
communicate directly with your spouse--theCopyright 2005 Ed ShermanEd Sherman is a
adversary. It is expected, instead, that yourfamily law attorney, divorce expert, and founder
spouse will be represented by an attorney andof Nolo Press. He started the self-help law
your lawyer can only communicate through yourmovement in 1971 when he published the first
spouse's lawyer.edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and
founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more
This means that your attorney can't "talk sense"than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public
to your spouse, or explain to your spouse howbillions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce
you see things, or even help you talk to eachgo more smoothly and easily for millions of
other. It means your attorney will always have areaders. You can order his books from or by
one-sided view of your case and can nevercalling (800) 464-5502.
achieve an understanding any greater than your